Patriotic Porn

I love the “Prisoner of Zenda”, the film with Ronald Coleman; it is chaste, full of gallantry, sword fights, mistaken identity, doppelgangers, moat swimming, rogues, and a princesses who denies her “true love” for her duty to the throne of Zenda. A good swashbuckler is a rare thing.

In the Geyserville Gazette, 6 September 1918, a story was published which I believe was intended to spur some kind of patriotism in the readers, or confirm some feelings of chivalry in the Allies’ cause. When correcting texts like this, it may leave a bad feeling due to our modern perceptions of patriotism, feminism, roles defining men and women and good writing.

I copy it here so anyone who wishes to can assay it for themselves and, hopefully, to purge the annoyance I felt after correcting it to a readable format. I correct all the texts which need it, regardless of my opinion on the subject matter.

08/23/2021

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An elderly lady in Belgium stood on the porch of a residence which was built on a hill and from which she could overlook a road winding through a valley below. Anxiety and impatience were expressed on her face. She was evidently expecting something or some one that did not appear.

“Wilhelmina’” she cried.

“Well, mamma?” responded a voice, contrasting with the mother’s sharp tones both for its melody and its indifference.

“It is 12 o’clock, and there are no signs of him.”

A comely young woman of twenty came out on to the porch and replied: “In these wartimes we cannot expect any one to be punctual.”

“Herman has nothing to do with the war. he is not a soldier.”

To this the daughter made no reply, but on her face one could read expressed the words “He should be.” accompanied by a look of contempt.

“Wilhelmina.” said the mother severely, “I am outraged at your indifference. I have been at great pains to bring about this match between you and Herman Weber, of whose wealth you are aware, and now that there is a probability that something has occurred to interfere you show no disappointment whatever.”

“What is wealth in Belgium today, mamma? If this war continues as it has begun there will be no wealth.”

“The trouble with you is that your head is full of impractical romance. You do not favor a suitable match. You wish some knight with no fortune except his sword to come along, kill a dragon who is about to devour yon and carry you off.”

“I admit that I would be pleased to listen to the suit of one who is fighting for our homes and our firesides.”

A horseman rode out from a wood below.

“There he is now!” exclaimed the mother joyfully. “He will be here in a few minutes.”

But the lady was doomed to a new disappointment. The horseman was followed by a dozen or more others, and as they drew nearer it was evident that he had been sent out on skirmish duty. He was followed by a party of British officers, at whose head rode a general. Coming, to a branch road leading up to where the two women stood, a single horseman turned into it, while the others rode on. Coming to the gate, he turned in and advanced to the porch. Uncovering in the presence of the ladies, he said:

“I am directed by General Gordon of the British forces to say that I will pass the night hereabout and begs to know if you can conveniently quarter him and his staff.”

The speaker was Lieutenant Warren Chandler, an American, who at the breaking out of the war had been a student at Cambridge, England. He volunteered and had been selected by General Gordon as an aid-de-camp.

The elder lady was trying to think of some excuse for declining to entertain the officers when the younger said “Certainly, we shall feel honored at having an opportunity to entertain our country’s defenders.” The mother, casting a withering glance at her daughter, spoke up: “We are expecting to have a wedding here today, and the occasion would be greatly marred by the presence of soldiers.” “There will be no wedding,” said the daughter. “The wedding cannot be celebrated without my consent, and I shall not be married today.”

The officer looked admiringly upon the girl and at once became her supporter. “I shall be sorry to intrude.” he said, “but I feel obliged to do so. The general ordered me to find quarters for him and his staff, and then is no other house hereabout available.”

With that he dismounted and led his horse to a barn in the rear, where he looked to see if there was forage, and. finding plenty, unsaddled his horse, gave him a feed and went to the house. Being invited to a seat, he asked to be informed as to the wedding that had been mentioned. The mother gave him the necessary information, dwelling lugubriously on her daughter’s disappointment.

“I assure you, mademoiselle.” said Chandler, “that you have my sympathy. It must be a great trial to a woman to get ready for a wedding and have the groom fail to appear.” The girl’s face wore an indignant look which the officer mistook for an expression of injury. So he added: “Quite likely the groom to be has been detained against his will. Soldiers are never their own masters, and in wartime”—

“The gentleman is a civilian.” said Wilhelmina dryly.

“Indeed! I am surprised that in such stirring times as these a lady should choose a civilian.” To this there was no answer in words, though there was a look on the girl’s face as much as to say, “I would infinitely prefer a soldier.” The mother, who by this time had given up the coming of the groom, left her daughter and Chandler together and went away to give orders for the changed conditions.

The American is a creature especially adapted for emergencies. Chandler had jumped from a peaceful university into war, and he was ready for any other jump that might present itself. One of the least objectionable jumps he might take would be into the affections of a pretty girl. He pretended to sympathize deeply with Wilhelmina in what he persisted in calling her disappointment and had not been in her company long before he averred that any man who would thus disappoint such an attractive woman must be bereft of any taste whatever. Wilhelmina made no reply to such compliments, keeping her eyes on the floor with becoming modesty.

Chandler spent three hours in the young lady’s company. A great deal may be done in three hours, especially by a soldier. Battles have been won in a few minutes. The lieutenant from sympathizing with his companion suggested that a substitute might alleviate her disappointment, and she was not at all shocked at the suggestion.

It was nightfall before the general and his staff drew rein at the chateau, dismounted and strode into the house to the clanking of their spurs and side arms. Supper was ready for them, and when introduced to it there was surprise to find a collation such as would be served at a social gathering rather than a hot meal. Then it came out that they were eating what had been prepared for a wedding breakfast.

General Gordon, a bluff Britisher, who had been a soldier for thirty years, was much surprised and indignant to learn that the pretty Wilhelmina had expected to he a bride and had remained a spinster.

“My dear,” he said to her, “if I were a youngster instead of an old fellow and the father of a large family of children I would offer myself as a substitute for this cad who has been so unappreciative of a lovely girl. As it is I can do nothing for you. But if there is any young unmarried man on my staff who pleases your fancy and who refuses to volunteer to supply the deficiency I shall take the first opportunity to order him where he will be shot.”

Even the young lady smiled at this compliment, and several officers held up a hand as boys in school who are ready for some especial duty.

When the laughter that greeted the general’s sally had subsided Chandler arose and said:

“May it please you, general, I have since entering upon your staff felt under great obligations to you for my appointment and have longed for an occasion lo show my appreciation. No opportunity has thus far occurred in the line of military duty. I understand you desire to benefit this young lady and doubt not that, despite your age, were you a single man you might be accepted as a substitute. We are assembled at what was to have been a wedding breakfast. It would not be to the credit of the service if among so many single men of your staff none could be found to represent his commander in a duty—rather a pleasure for which he is incapacitated by previous engagements. If the lady will accept a subaltern for a husband in lieu of a general I volunteer with my whole heart.”

A clapping of hands and shouts of approval greeted this speech, and every eye was turned to Wilhelmina, who sat with her eyes cast down and spoke never a word.

“Silence gives consent!” cried the general. “Orderly!” The general’s orderly heard, and having appeared, the commander said to him: “Go and find a chaplain or a parson at once. I’ll give yon thirty minutes, and if you are not back here with one in that time I’ll court martial you for disobedience of orders.”

At this juncture a servant, who was not cognizant of the turn that had been taken in the affairs of the bride expectant, entered and, with a look and hands thrown up expressing trouble said to the mistress of the house:

“Oh. Madame. we are undone! The groom is coming, and the wedding feast is being eaten. We have nothing more in the house fitted for such an occasion.”

Every eye was turned to Wilhelmina. who paled at the announcement. The general was equal to the occasion.

”Captain Granger,” he said, “put a guard around these headquarters with orders to admit no one.”

“General,” protested the mother, “you have no right to interfere in my domestic affairs.”

“Pardon me. Madame; 1 am not interfering with your affairs. This house is my headquarters. You and your daughter are at liberty to leave it as soon as you like.”

All again turned to Wilhelmina, who sat without speaking, but it was plain that she was much affected. Her bosom heaved and she bit her lip. Chandler was watching her and, divining what she felt, went to her, bent over her and looked down upon her with inquiry in his eyes and a smile on his lips. She turned her own eyes up to his, and he saw a decision in his favor.

“A chaplain!” cried the general “Why this delay?”

“Here, general.” came a voice from the hall without, and an officer, whose uniform marked his calling, hurried into the room.

“I forbid this marriage!” cried the mother. “My daughter’s fiance has 1,000,000 francs.”

“And I offer $1,000,000,” said Chandler This settled the matter.

The ceremony was performed, and the general drew a check for £2,000 for a wedding present.

The next morning the general and his staff, except Chandler, who was granted a week’s leave for a honeymoon, galloped away.